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I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost … I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.
II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place
but, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit.
My eyes are open
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
V
I walk down another street.
today i feel on the brink of tears. and i do not know why. i hate these kind of days. when you know you have so much you could be doing. instead you wander the house aimlessly…staring off into nowhere. wondering why do these days exist. it’s as if your soul is empty. but you do not know why.
for the blue sky. . . the bright warm sun
for a listening ear. . . and wise advice
i am thankful today because here i am exactly where God purposed. . . even if i still wonder why
i made a promise to myself that i would blog more. . . even if i am the only one who sees my words. blogging has become the new way to keep a journal of our lives. to better help me i gave each day a theme. . . and today’s theme is monday musings, where i share a slice of my life. . . my journey.
yesterday, i sat on the bathtub ledge of my in-laws hall bathroom crying. . .
i kept thinking i could kill myself in here and no one would know.
as a survivor lies become truth. . . while real truth evades us.
it had not been a bad day, but still as the day drew to an end. . . i found myself weeping alone in a house that is not mine. alone while my husband’s family was in the other room.
i could not bring myself to go out there and show them my tears. . . to ask for comfort. . . because i feel as if they don’t get me.
lies become truth.
deep down i hope his family loves me for me. . . but in my sadness i do not know how to reach out and ask for love. . .
because all i know to do is smile and act like everything is okay. . .
i have never been tagged via a blog before but Nely got me. i am supposed to share 8 random things about myself. not an easy task but here goes.
i am cheerful when i first wake up in the morning. it drives my husband nuts.
i have three stuffed animals who believe they are real:
a yellow lab puppy named vanilla bean
a white and reddish brown bunny named daphne
a siamese kitty named sassafras
i am allergic to most animals. hence the reason for above.
i am afraid of swimming in the ocean, but love the sound and vastness of it.
i grew up in the south but do not consider myself a southerner.
my favorite pastime is reading.
i am an empathetic person. but the last few years have made me more cynical.
i struggle with anxiety and depression.
i am supposed to tag 8 people, but i don’t have 8 regular bloggers to tag. nor does anyone, besides nely, visits my blog.
